English
Knock, knock, knock. I open the door to multiple police officers outside. “Ma’am, we need to speak to you about your son.” At that moment, my thoughts became a jumble. I assume the worst, and then everything goes black.
“Good morning,” I yell to my son, Evan.
No response
“You’re gonna be late,” I fuss. “are you even awake?"
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” he responds before running down the stairs toward the door.
“We have dinner at Gigi’s tonight, so be home before 5,” I remind him.
He looks down, refusing to make eye contact, “Yeah,” he takes a long pause, “I'll be there.” He checks his watch and runs toward the door to catch his bus.
I try to stop him. "Wait, you forgot this," I reach out to hand him his lunch, but he runs right out the door. "Bye, I love you," I call out to him. He briefly looks back but doesn't respond.
Crash. "CRAP," I shout as I look at the shattered plate on my floor. I get the broom to clean up the shards. After I finish the dishes, I move on to Evans's laundry. About an hour later, I heard a beep, so I put down my book and got to get Evans's laundry. I fold it and place it neatly in his drawer. Then, I noticed how messy his room was. I figured I should do something nice for him, so I tidied it up. When I get to his desk, I notice some very violent drawings, depictions of guns, and death. I think to myself, I'll ask him when he gets home. As I gather the papers, I bring them to the kitchen and set them on the counter. I hear a knock, knock, knock. I open the door to multiple police officers outside. “Ma’am, we need to speak to you about your son.” At that moment, my thoughts became a jumble. I assume the worst, and then everything goes black.
I wake up to three police officers standing over me. One of them, his badge reads Officer Jackson, holds out his hand to help me up. The officers sit on my couch, and I sit across from them. "We regret to inform you," Officer Jackson started, "your son, Evan Caddel, is no longer with us."
"What ... what happened? " I stutter as tears fill my eyes.
"This may come as a shock," Officer Jackson said as he tried to comfort me. "Evan and his friend, Conor McAdden.'' I expect him to say car crash or anything but... "shot themselves after killing and injuring several other students."
Suddenly, my world crumbles into pieces. Evan was my everything, my only child. How could my sweet boy, my Evan, do something so evil? I don't know how to feel, he killed so many people, But now he's gone. Was it my fault, did I mess up, how much was he hurting? You never think it will happen until it does until someone gets hurt.
It's been 6 months since the incident, and I still call upstairs for Evan to get out of bed—no response, every day, because he's gone. Whenever I go out, people look at me like I'm a monster. Am I? I need to get out of this stupid town. I think people forget that I lost my kid too. I don't even know what to think anymore, did I miss the signs? Were there any? Could I have stopped him? Even though it's been half a year, it still feels like it happened yesterday. Every time there's a knock on the door I flash back to that day. Everyone seems to have moved on. Why can't I?